Living Simply and Outsmarting Ego

When I'm in outdoor-wear stores with my husband, which is often, I sometimes see Patagonia t-shirts with the slogan "Live Simply" and different designs.  I am always drawn to them, because something about those words whispers peace and contentment to me.  Lately in my prayer life God seems to be leading me in that direction- that although he is the true source of my peace and contentment, living more simply in terms of material things will remove distractions that keep my loved ones and I from him and really don't make us any happier.  In fact, sometimes they weigh me down.

My husband and I are currently preparing for the birth of our first son, due in early December.  With a little over two months to go, we can hear the clock running down on our time to purchase and assemble our baby gear and make sure the nursery is stocked and- here is my major pitfall- decorated.  Even as I write this I am mentally shopping for remaining items we don't have yet.  We jokingly refer to it as my nesting urge, and I have no doubt my hormones are playing a role, but I also am coming to notice it as a spiritual threat if left unchecked.

At times like this God makes it clear how acutely aware he is of both my life circumstances and my heart.  What better conditions to help me understand materialism and idolatry than our joy and parenting ambition combined with a subtle hint of pride and yes, competition (at least I know I am struggling with these things, I cannot speak for my husband.) 

The tricky part is that we do actually need a whole assortment of new supplies to take care of our first baby.  In a certain sense our home and belongings do need expansion.  I believe this is a key part of the nature of temptation- the kernel of truth and legitimacy, mixed with some untruth and sinful inclinations.  It is a brilliant strategy and the devil is wise; after all, he was first an angel.  But in his relentless love and faithful protection, God is persistently drawing my attention to it. 

It is ok, the Holy Spirit guides me, to purchase necessary material things.  The important thing is to ask myself what is truly needed (versus only desired) and to be responsible in my choices with regard to price.  I need to pause and look at my motivation: once I've identified that yes, we truly need this item, is my pride insisting that we have the "best" one?  Am I passing over less-expensive options that would fulfill our purpose in favor of pricier, more stylish alternatives? 

Last week I read a passage in a collection of insights of early Christians that caught my attention and articulates this point: "A life of luxury weakens the spirit. Frugality makes it strong. And yet, how can anyone be considered poor who does not feel any want, who does not covet what belongs to others, who is rich in God's eyes? Much more should he be considered poor who always craves for more while he already has much."

I don't want to perpetuate that kind of poverty in our family, to be surrounded by beautiful things but unsatisfied and distracted.  Instead, we can have the true wealth of uncluttered hearts and healthy priorities and also use our abundance to help our brothers and sisters in need.  We can give our son a legacy of contentment, humility and appreciation that will help him on his own quest for the only Treasure that satisfies and lasts.   

God Passing By

Sometimes the best barometer of God's presence and action in my life is actually my changing self- how my perceptions, choices and reactions have shifted.  Like ripples on a surface of water indicate the wind's activity, increases in my own spiritual maturity reflect God's acting upon me. Most of all, I see this in my capacity to love.  

I am encouraged when a situation presents itself that previously would have made me impatient or found me indifferent and instead I am able to see with a new perspective.  On the flip side, it also helps to reflect and see where I may have missed an opportunity.  How could I have loved that person better? How would God have liked me to respond? Each day, when viewed this way, provides opportunities for growth.  

In the book of Exodus we read about Moses boldly asking God to appear to him, saying, "show me your glory."  To be honest I don't fully understand what he means by that, but the essence seems to be that he wants the Mystery revealed, that talking with God still leaves him curious and wanting to see the Almighty face-to-face.  But there also seems to be some doubt there, a need for more proof.  (Apparently the parting of the Red Sea wasn't reassuring enough.)  In response God, ever patient and generous,  explains to him that he cannot see fullness of the divine glory but that Moses will be allowed to see God's back as He passes by.  

Like much of the Old Testament, this passage leaves me with many questions. What does God's back look like? Is it un-glorious? How does Moses benefit from such a strange encounter? What does God have up His sleeve here?  Like Moses, I'm frustrated by the mystery.  Only a piece of the puzzle has been revealed.

Yet more and more I'm noticing that my own relationship with God follows this pattern.  I hear His Voice (in my heart, not my ears)  but I am always asking to see Him.  Now that I think about it, maybe He is passing in front of me every day and I can clearly see His "back" if I look with the right eyes.  

Maybe that means listening with empathy to the problems of someone I find abrasive and instead of judging offering any help or love I can.  Or being more conscious of the unmet needs and struggles of others.

I take comfort in these everyday victories most of all because I know, deep down, that the change didn't start with me.  I am being molded by a wise and loving hand.  I can't see Him, but that doesn't mean God isn't passing by.

He/I or We

When I witness a couple in what seems to be a healthy, loving marriage, the outstanding characteristic that I notice is unity.  Beyond being simply affectionate, there is a resolute one-ness they communicate to others.  I am struck by this solidarity and lately I have noticed, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that it speaks "love" to me in a unique and pretty awe-inspiring way.  I think that this awe stems from the realization (again, God) that unity in marriage takes work, discipline, sacrifice and obedience.  In other words, it's not natural.

Since our wedding last December, I've spent more time mulling over Jesus's words in Mark on husband and wife: So they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together let man not separate.  In the past, I've always interpreted this as a warning to be vigilant about outside treats, to protect against intrusions.  But now that I'm experiencing it from the inside, I am noticing that a more subtle and insidious danger exists- my husband and I both face the daily temptation to rupture our one-ness by acting as individuals when we are designed and commanded to function as a single life.  One Flesh.  

For instance, in decisions.  When we are not physically together, inevitably we will encounter choices to be made that will affect our marriage to some degree.  I am  a very decisive person by nature, so to stop and consult my husband is both difficult and counterintuitive for me.  But when I yield to God's direction and surrender my own need to control, I find that the outcome is better than what I had planned myself.  

As his wife, I am called to trust my husband's judgement and ultimately to respect the decisions he makes on behalf  of our family.  Which is not to say that my opinion doesn't matter; only that my role is to support and not to detract.

To be one flesh means to be one body; and the body parts can't live if they don't work together.  In the same way, our marriage can't survive if we refuse unity in the name of our own individual desires.  To use some of Jesus's other words, later borrowed by Abraham Lincoln: a house divided against itself cannot stand.

So every day, with God's help, I will strive to defeat my own pride and self-will and instead watch our bond grow stronger.