Determined not to head directly home after wrangling both of us into our rental car, I decided to drive around a little until he fell asleep in his car seat and then shop for care package items. Except he didn't fall asleep. And a snowstorm descended on us. In one last attempt I drove us to IKEA hoping to wait it out and maybe pick up some stylish, reasonably-priced shelving with my tiny, irritable viking (his "helmet" beanie would have been funny in a Swedish store, no?) I plucked him out of his car seat, fed him in the driver's seat (in the parking lot) and was wrestling him back into it when I realized how ill-fated the whole thing was and decided to abort the mission before we made ourselves really unpopular.
Being a military wife and new mom in a new place (for the duration of this deployment,) I have been eager-to say the least- to create a full, active, socially-involved schedule for myself, in hopes of fending off my personal boogeymen: loneliness and boredom. Type-A Go Getter personality that I am, I started researching activities for myself in the area before we even got here. The truth is, I don't usually practice faith the way God really intends for me to. Example: seeking out a Bible study in a new community is wonderful, but to rely entirely on myself without any room for trust in God might be missing the point.
It seems like He has staged an intervention into my controloholism in the form of our sweet, deliciously plump, abundant poop-producing baby boy. Many times throughout each day, he thwarts me. In those moments, which initially caused me much frustration, I am learning to change my perspective. I am learning to look for God's guidance in taking the next little step forward in this new frontier (parenthood and, literally, Utah.) That nap didn't work out? Savor the giggles and playtime. Baby poop on the bedspread? See the humor in it. With some serious grace, I'm learning to go with the flow. As I write this, the baby is lying in a makeshift lounger consisting of a blanket, towel and hoodie inside the plastic bathtub my parents bought him, because our belongings haven't arrived yet from the move. But he's perfectly happy, and we're making it work.
God is faithful, His love really is unfailing, and every time my own plans fail I receive the direction and subtle encouragement I need to press on, and to find joy in unexpected places.
I hate to use the term "blessings in disguise," but sometimes problems, looked at from a different angle, are beautiful. Today's snowstorm turned into a peaceful afternoon spent reading, writing and enjoying a cup of coffee and also allowed me to spend some rare extra time with my dad, who happened to be working from home for the day.
And from a broader perspective, this deployment is providing a priceless opportunity to reconnect with my family across the country and build memories we otherwise wouldn't have. I would rather my husband be here with us, but I believe that as he serves in the vocation God has called him to, our son and I are being richly blessed as well.
