My mom gave me a thin silver bracelet last year engraved with the words "Live today like he deploys tomorrow." (I wish I could give credit specifically where it is due, to the designer, but I at least know she bought it online at Etsy.com.) I have to admit, I did not appreciate the sentiment at the time. Of course I vaguely thought of that emotionally-charged last day before a deployment, and how precious each second of it is, but the phrase quickly slipped from my mind and the bracelet ended up in a drawer. (Sorry, Mom.)
But on the other side of last year's deployment and our first few months of marriage, I've pulled it back out and slipped it on. Because while I was praying for my husband the other day, The Lord interrupted me. I thanked Him for blessing me with such an incredible man and asked for guidance to love him better. Then a lightbulb: I want you to cherish him more. Appreciate him more. Keep fresh in your mind how painful those long separations are.
And there I had it. That was His guidance to me on loving my husband better- to tap into that longing. That way I can be intentional about valuing him on a moment-to-moment basis. If he really were deploying tomorrow (and in the not too distant future he will be,) I would do my best to push aside the tears and remind him with every word and action how much I love him and respect him, and possibly go along with his idea on how to spend the day.
But how quickly I forget. After a few months together that day-to-day routine sets in, and that sharp pang in my heart fades away until next time. It is as if I put it on the shelf with the other emotions in the deployment segment of my life and don't dust it off again until the next one rolls around. But with grace I can see beyond the daily grind of laundry and dishes and "Lord, I am too tired to make him happy," and put forth the effort needed to keep reminding myself how precious my husband is, and to keep reminding him of it too.
So much of the life of faith depends our own wills, aided by the Holy Spirit. I may not feel particularly passionate or even loving today, but I can pause and imagine that painful separation and appreciate what I have. And of course, if even that proves difficult, I can pray.
