Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The Patron Saint of Military Wives

It was a special blessing when I stumbled across a brief biography of St. Francesca Romana, also called Frances of Rome, on a blog I frequent. Since my faith has been shaped significantly by my Catholic upbringing and single years (my husband and I currently attend a Baptist church,) the saints are an integral part of my spiritual world.
It's helpful to have a role model, someone who has walked your path before- especially when that vocation was given by God, first to them and then to you. When I try to explain the saints to friends, the best analogy I can give is an older brother or sister, maybe a community member who you admired and trusted. Of course it's crucial to keep in mind that admirable though they may be (Francesca very much so) they were human too, and can never replace Jesus as our ultimate Confidante, Helper, Guide and Friend.
That being said, the saints may be most helpful because they are not angels. They're just like us- except the church has designated their lives as exceptionally holy, and they are dead. (To this world. It's a saintly prerequisite.). There aren't many who were married; most were either consecrated religious, and thus celibate, or were martyred while virgins. So to find one who was a wife, and of a military man at that, is exciting. And that brings us back to Francesca.
Born to a wealthy Italian family in 1384, she discovered her deep love for God as a child and by age twelve had decided to become a nun. But her parents determined that she should be married, and at age thirteen she wed Lorenzo Ponziano, commander of the papal troops of Rome and also from an aristocratic family.
Even though Lorenzo was frequently away (read: deployed) at war, their marriage is said to have been a very loving one, lasting forty years until Lorenzo's death in 1436. Lorenzo loved his wife very much and admired her purity and devotion, as well as her efforts to help those less fortunate. Francesca, though in love first and always with God, loved him deeply as well and faithfully honored and obeyed him throughout their marriage. As ardently as she desired to unite herself completely to the Lord through consecrated religious life, she was able to see and accept that His Will was for her to love and serve Lorenzo as a wife and to be a mother to their children.
During Lorenzo's absences, Francesca opened their home as a makeshift hospital for those wounded by war and distributed food to the hungry. These separations- surely as painful and difficult for her as they are for us- gave Francesca opportunities for exclusive devotion to prayer and reading as well. But when her husband was home, she patiently and obediently put her private spiritual life on hold, recognizing her married vocation as her primary duty from God.
She is quoted as saying, "Devotion in a married woman is most praiseworthy, but she must never forget that she is a housewife. Sometimes she must leave God at the altar, to serve Him in her housekeeping."
Sounds a little harsh at first, but her insight about prioritizing daily life God's way is a revelation to me. It can be all too easy to miss the Forest through the proverbial trees when it comes to seeking God's Will. Yes, I have responsibilities to my husband, and he has needs and desires that I as his wife am required by God to meet... but shouldn't my Bible reading come first? Or church obligations? Doesn't Jesus tell us that we must live Him above all others, including our families?
No, our private spiritual devotions shouldn't come first if our spouse is present and needs us. And yes, Jesus does command us to place our relationship with Him before any earthly one, even our marriages.
So how are we to balance the two?
The attribute that draws me to Francesca as a patron saint, even more than her military vocation, is her discernment of the demands of her married life as God's plan for her individual holiness. When her duty to Lorenzo summoned her away from prayer or spiritual reading, she recognized God's Voice and lovingly set aside her own desires to support him. No doubt this shaped her into the saint she would become, as she persevered in submitting her own will day by day to those of God and the man He had given her.
An often-cited episode in her life, one of many miraculous occurrences, gives a glimpse of how valuable her loving service was in God's sight:
One day while reciting the Divine Office privately, Lorenzo summoned for her five successive
times. At each interruption, Francesca patiently complied before returning to her prayers. After at last she had seen to the fifth request, she found the words of the line she had been reading written in gold. She then was told by an angel, "Thus the Lord rewards the virtue of obedience."
Her unwavering pursuit of God- or rather, her reciprocation of His unwavering pursuit of her- is also worth emulating. Though she loved Lorenzo as fully as she was capable of loving another human being, she never looked to him for satisfaction of the deepest longings of her heart, which she knew could only be met by God.
So whether our husbands are home with us, deployed or away on training, may we strive to love them by giving ourselves completely as Francesca did, while keeping a passionate desire for God always at the center of our hearts.
Her advice, given to oblates of the religious order she founded after Lorenzo's death, is fitting for all to live by: "Love one another, and be faithful unto death. Satan will assault you, as he has assaulted me; but be not afraid. You will overcome him through patience and obedience; and no trial will be too grievous, if you are united to Jesus; if you walk in His ways, He will be with you."


Saint Frances of Rome, help us to see the difference between what we want to do and what God wants us to do. Help us to discern what comes from our will and what comes from God's desire. Amen

[prayer and image are not my own]